Looking back at The Decision

Many times I question the decision, because it was not an easy decision to make.  I am glad I had someone else with me to make that decision – my wife is my rock.  You should not make decisions selfishly.  You should always consider other people, primarily those that you love and most especially your family.  But I question the decision all the same.

I don’t regret the decision at all but I do question my motivation.  Did I do it to hurt them or did I do it to stop the hurt on me and my family. I think it is more the latter than the former but there will always be a part of me that wants the former.  I think as times goes on, I will not worry about hurting them and that will come on its own.  And if it doesn’t then the people I helped put in place did step up and fill the void.  All the better I suppose. But I also feel that they are unworthy of inheriting the legacy I largely built.  Because of the lies, betrayal, and lack of character, I feel that it should not be theirs.  I had my chance to take it from them but I didn’t do it.  I showed character where others did not.  In the end, they are just people, no better or worse then me, and their true character will come to shine over time.  These things don’t just die (except in extreme circumstances), they fade away.  I just
have to wait and watch the fade.

It is definitely a blow to the ego but I can’t let that bother me so much.  I left for my family and that is the only reason I need.  It hurts my kids that we are not going to attend anymore but it hurt them even more to have a daddy that is always angry at people, and has no time for them.  It hurt them when mommy and daddy were fighting over the stupidest things.  I have to look at the long term.  My kids will have other things to attend. They only have one daddy and I need to step up and be the daddy that they need.

Will I be miserable with nothing to stimulate my imagination, my mind and my passions? I am too much like my dad in that way – I need something to keep my mind occupied; my intellect stimulated. I will find something.  This chapter ends but others will begin.  My initial thought was start writing again.  And perhaps that is what I will do.  I need to get my priorities reorganized and open myself to new opportunities.  The best revenge is to live well and I plan to.

I know He has been prodding me to do this for years.  I know this was not the best path for me and my family.  It was entirely too worldly even though I tried to turn it into something positive with all the charities.  But in the end, it was not the best thing for me and my family.  The people involved with were dragging me down, taking me and my family down a path I should have left a long time ago.  This final event only shows how bad things were going to get.  I had to stand in my principles and do the right thing.  I feel I did, with His guidance, and those I left behind will have to answer to their issues on their own.