Surviving Cancellation

2020 has been a disaster on all levels. COVID 19, racial unrest and protests, the election – just ugly. My life is no different. Between sporadic health issues (not COVID related) and the events behind this post, my life is probably changed forever.

While my experience is not unique nor earth-shattering, it is an experience none the less that is very poignant and representative of what American society has evolved into, in part because of social media as well as mainstream media’s bias and attempts to compete with other means to get news. I feel people are worse to each other today than in the past, primarily because if increased awareness of everyone’s opinions, values and biases, thanks in part to social media. In the past, we lived in quiet ignorance of everyone’s opinions, but now we are all willing to voice them and show intolerance for opposing views.

As many know, I am a conservative with strong libertarian leanings as well as a strong Second Amendment supporter. I do own firearms, but not a lot. I wish I could afford more but I have enough to keep safe but more would be nice. I am a firm believer in the old adage by Thomas Jefferson – “When governments fear the people, there is liberty. When the people fear the government, there is tyranny.”

Around June 6, with all the rioting and racial unrest going on, as well as COVID lockdown, a post came across our neighborhood Facebook group that read something to the effect that police would be patrolling our neighborhood streets because there was a threat of looters coming to the suburbs of Charlotte including ours. As I understand it, the post specifically said “looters” and not “peaceful” protesters. At the end of the post, it said “Lock your stuff up.”

To clarify, this post was read to me and before I reacted, I admit I should have read it myself. Among my failures, this is one of them. I should have went back and at least read the post myself. I did not feel I needed to as it was read to me by a very trusted source, so if it is a failing, it’s a minor one.

Regardless, I reacted in a way that seemed natural to me, but in this day and age, it apparently is not. The thought process behind the post was triggered by the final words of that warning – “Lock your stuff up.” My thoughts were “Yes, I will lock up, but I will also unlock something else – my firearm.” The main motivation behind that statement was to protect my property and my family. I had no intention of “taking the fight to them” or causing any harm to anyone peacefully protesting. You leave my property and my family alone, you are good to go. If you disobey local laws like disturbing of the peace or whatever, I am sure the local authorities can handle it so I would leave it to them.

Along with the statement of unlocking my firearm, I included a picture of my firearm – something to the effect that “I would unlock this…” And at the end of the post I said “Bring it on {new slang for anti-fascist}” While that part did not cause issues at work, it did trigger the “cancel culture” of convention fandom and gamers alike. So this in the end caused a shock wave of events that eventually changed my life.

With regards that new slang word that means anti-fascist – as far as I am concerned, built into the the fiber of being an American is anti-fascism. I don’t need a special Gen-X or Millennial term to define that. And it’s more than just that terms. A movement has formed around it and a group of people have adhered to that movement with the intent of causing damage and fear in regular citizens. That group is engaged in terrorism. So when I use that term, I use that term that they themselves describe themselves – in the context of a group.

Am I anti-fascist? Absolutely. I am also anti-communist, and anti-big government – do I get to make up new words for them? I think we can just call me a Capitalist.

I always post my Facebook posts as visible only to friends who are not acquaintances, mostly to be able to filter out people at work. As time went on, acquaintances became people I did not know well or people that I know I disagree with. However, it is a lot of maintenance work to make sure you mark acquaintances as such and some slip through. One particular one took exception to my post and from that point on, my life was changed.

What got me terminated from a job I had for 18 years was the implication of violence. There was a vague policy reference in the new handbook about social media and they justified my firing based on that. I didn’t fight it. I accepted my fate. I did not apologize for what I posted and I won’t today. Maybe a few things I said in the comments in response to the fervor that followed was a little too edgy, but they were not wrong and I tried to stay respectful.

This was what changed my life. Why didn’t I fight being terminated? NC is what is called an “at-will” state and in the end, they can fire me for whatever reason they want to. Is it just? Probably not. Is it right? No but what can you do? I was ready to leave anyway. If it had not been for COVID, I would have been gone by then. It was a relief, if not a scary one. It hurt at first because I was worried about my family, but in the end we made it through it. God was just providing a kick in the butt.

Yes, it also affected my participation in conventions. I no longer work with the sci-fi fandom convention, ConCarolinas. That’s OK for me. I was not upset about that in the slightest. Sure, I got a little money for it, but I never depended on it. The environment today in fandom is not very welcoming of people with my values and ideals. It’s toxic. It may have been all along, I just got older and more principled. Or perhaps both. Regardless, for 11 years, I helped build that con and I felt good about it. Now, I am not so sure. The first time I was ousted, it hurt and I was angry. The second time, not so much. I was relieved. It is something more than willing to leave in my past.

On the other side of things, MACE is a little different. Jeff owns it and he makes the decisions. If he keeps me on board, it’s on him and he knows it. He backs me but still trying to play the middle ground because he’s a business owner. I understand that the post and the reaction to it put him in a difficult position but he and both are working it out. It’s good to have friends that understand me.

We have been doing this for over 20 years and maybe this is a sign that it’s time to end it. Maybe run one last one to celebrate the 25th anniversary and then fade into history as one of the best and longest running tabletop gaming cons in the Carolinas. I am sure there will be some one to step in and take our place.

It is these two communities – gaming and sci-fi fandom – that lashed back most viscerally. My post and some comments afterwards as well as a change in my profile pic for day – thin blue line flag – lead to people calling me racist, fascist and other nasty and angry things. If you know me, you know that nothing can be further from the truth. Black, white, brown… all shades of the same color and one race – the human race. I never have seen anyone any different. I recognize that cultures vary and some are more comfortable for me than others but that does not mean I see my culture any better than anyone else’s. Cultures are different. Perceptions are different. Experiences are different. All should be recognized, empathized and respected.

Yes, I support the police. They enforce laws. I like law and order. Those laws are not infallible, just like the cops as well as the policies and procedures they follow. I don’t support a person or group that makes a blanket statement one way or the other about anyone, cops or whatever. Calling all cops are bad or fascists is simply intellectually dishonest. I know too many good officers to buy into that.

I have bounced back somewhat since June. I spent 5 months unemployed surviving on my wife’s teacher pay and benefits, tax return money, stimulus checks and unemployment. My parents also helped me considerably and I thank them deeply for that. I am good now, with a job that pays more than I got in the past. It has it’s advantages and its disadvantages but I am working through those. God has opened new doors for me and made me feel like my career wasn’t at the dead end I thought it was.

Challenges like this are placed in your path to change you, to get you out of your comfort zone and expand. It’s evolution, for those that adhere to that theory. Survival of the fittest. I was not entitled to that job no matter how unjust the firing was. And I can rely on those around me to hep me get through it. I am a better person for it.

Will I engage in a hobby I have been involved with since I was 14? Probably. I need to reboot my interest in it somehow. This incident is not the only thing that has caused me to question my passion for gaming. I have to take a new and fresh look at things, start something new and find the fun in it again. I have to dig deep and find the reasons I enjoy it again.

Will I stay involved with MACE? With work and COVID, things have changed considerably in that area. The best I can say is we shall see.

I have to dig deep to forgive and move on. I have to dig even deeper to find it in me to be kind and loving to all involved. To return to MACE at the same capacity will be hard especially with the possibility looming of confronting one of the perpetrators of the cancel campaign. I run it through my head often and I always seem to get more and more bitter and angry. It has been a long road and I still have some more to travel to get to where I need to be. I hope I can get there. For my sake as well as theirs.

There is a Buddha parable that is poignant to this whole situation. It’s the story of Buddha and the Angry Man. I think I am going to follow Buddha’s example here.