Another year passes and another weekend in May/June goes by. I find myself a little less bitter but still holding resentment against those that betrayed my trust. Meanwhile, they continue to benefit from my hard work, particularly this year because of the guest I got them. It was my magnum opus and I did not get to enjoy it.
I still struggle with seeing people enjoy their time there, making positive comments and generally enjoying something I had so much to do with at one time but no longer. The kicker was the comment someone made about getting the particular guest. THEY had very little to do with it. I had everything to do with it, but they get the credit. And very undeservingly.
It was easier this year but I am still emotional about it a little. I still cringe and I still get knots in my stomach. Do I want to go back? No. Do I want justice? Yes. What I see now is the complete opposite of justice.
I chose to take the route I did and I felt like it was the right thing to do. This year was evidence of that as there was no way I could make time for what I used to. Work has kicked in full tilt and has not stopped. I have more projects on my plate then I have ever had. I am not sure I can get any of them done. I think Someone is trying to tell me something.
But my sense of honor and justice continues to tweak every time I see a post or a picture; a compliment or a praise. I get some satisfaction because of the drama but the sheep that continuously pat them on the back for a job well done without knowing or caring about what despicable people they are continues to bother me.
On top of that, I hate drama. Which is one of the reasons why I took the route I did. I did not want to bring more drama into my family’s life as well as the fan community in general. I have seen it happen too many times. Raleigh, Columbia, Athens/Atlanta. Just too much drama.
So I just endure another year and hope that eventually something will crack. Some justice will befall them and I will have my final satisfaction. Meanwhile, I move on, focusing on the things I have been over the past year. Those things are satisfying and real. Those are positive and healthy. They are not the toxic environment I left two years ago. I thank God that I finally did and only wish I had the courage to do it sooner.