Gorak’s Personal Log: Log Entry 4

Personal Log:

Today, I have reached the pinnacle of ecstasy and the depths of despair. In a single day, I have led this pathetic crew into three battles at the Danoor system…and won each of them. But those victories seem hollow compared to the loss of Uluala, my love. The Falleen double-crossed me, choosing to take her chances with those on the planet. I suppose I should have expected something like that. After all, she worked with Chuborro for all those years, and I’m sure some of his slipperiness must have rubbed off on her. The worm!

What is this feeling…this pain that I feel? It’s not like a wound from a blaster or a knife…just a…longing. That things could have been different for us, perhaps? That maybe she and I could have shared something more…something that’s been missing for so long? I felt a kinship with her. A love. Like nothing I had ever known before. I believed that she would make me a better person. That she would help me continue the path of the Church of the Light Prophets, just by allowing her to love me…and myself to love her.

BAH! Kozak lo neetska, Uluala! Deny me your love, and let Kl’aal take you instead!

And, indeed, that is the way it happened… The Falleen contacted me from the planet’s surface, in the middle of our battle with the ships that were stealing from Danoor. She called me to gloat…to taunt…to deny me her love…and yet, behind her a familiar shadow began to take shape. Kl’aal. The great hunter. My friend…or as close as any non-Rodian will ever come to being my friend. The Defel did me the favor of taking Uluala’s life. His claws raked across her much as I would have done to her, if I had been there. Of course I would have used a whip or something. No reason to dirty my HANDS with such a task. I believe that I owe Kl’aal a favor now…

But…I don’t know. This all seems so useless to me now. I have been kidding myself, I think. Living a lie once again. When I joined the FarStar, I pretended to be something other than myself

for the sake of leaving behind Kal’Shebbol. And the Light Prophets! Damn those priests! Meddling with my mind…making me think that I could change myself, change my organization, and change the fact that I love no one. I believe that Uluala wouldn’t have made me into a better person. I realize that now. And the Light Prophets with all of their cryptic words. They can’t change what I am. I can’t change what I am! I’ve been living another lie, deluding myselfinto thinking that this New Republic would be better for me…

Ah, yes…the New Republic. As long as we’re talking of lies, why not examine this pitiful crew? When Adrimetrum leads them, they fall apart like a Duros in a sandstorm. When I take the reins of power and smash the opposition, Thyte arrests me for being overly zealous. The fool! With incompetents and cowards like these running things, I don’t see how we will be any better once they replace Sarne. But don’t get me wrong…I have no wish to return to THAT tyrant’s rule. Better that someone else pick up the pieces…

Chuborro? No, he will never recover from the visit paid to him by the Night Terrors.

Uluala? No, Kl’aal took care of that problem.

Sabiador? Why not? One of the three battles that I fought eliminated my former partner and much of the opposition to my leadership. Why not let Sabiador rise from the ashes and reclaim its former might? It’s becoming apparent that these New Republic buffoons wouldn’t offer much resistance to such a rising. Perhaps it’s time to hunt again? Who knows? We shall see. For now, I sit within the brig of the FarStar, an escape pod modified by my own orders long ago. How ironic, don’t you think?