Post-That Con feedback

So we got feedback from That Con because they like to do surveys and all that.  While I am sure they have more than enough to deal with on the fandom end, by statistics, we did fine.  Out of 66 respondents, about 3 were rather scathing and hurtful.  So, cathartically, I am posting them here.  It is a realization that if my work with That Con is going to continue, I have to really look inside myself and figure out what is going on.  Is it burnout? Or is it something else?  Can it change?

I signed up but decided not to attend after how very rudely I was treated by Ron. He was very short and abrupt with any questions more concerned on what was going on in game room and his laptop.

The gaming staff is always so stand offish and unhelpful. They seem more interested in hanging out with each other than helping people find the right table for their session, which is always difficult to find.

I signed up but was rudely treated by Ron. He was very short with me with a mean tone of voice more interested in being on computer.

While I could take offense or get defensive (and might have at one time), I need to really dig deep and determine what’s going on.  These comments did what they were supposed to do and made me think.  At the same time, it hit deep at one of the reasons I am no longer with That Con in the same capacity.  I am abrasive at times, and to have it show like this AT THAT CON again, really concerns me.

I remember for the most part, it was a happy weekend.  But there were moments I wish I had to do over.  I might have been rude to a few people because I hate answering questions about non-gaming stuff.  If it has nothing to do with gaming, I want nothing to do with that.  That obviously is something I will work on. A simple “I don’t know” in a more pleasant voice will probably suffice.  But these were gamers.

I feel at times my personality is abrasive when I don’t intend it to be.  People that know me, understand.  People that don’t, misinterpret.  Is that the Jersey in me?  Is that just me?  I don’t know.

In my defense, while I may seem “more interested in my computer,” 9 times out of 10 what I am doing on that computer usually has to do with gaming coordinating.  I am usually trying to update the schedule, find some information on an event or layout.  Unless it is really slow, I am not just sitting around looking at porn or something at a convention.  This goes the same for game rooms.

Part of the reason I do these conventions is that I get to hang out with some cool people and then meet even cooler people.  So yea, I hang out.  If that does not coincide with your schedule, I am sorry.  I realize that we are generally socially awkward people.  It is not natural to me to approach someone if I have a question, but if it is important to you, please interrupt and ask.  In the end, I am here to help.

While I do try to help, I don’t want to overwhelm you with information.  So I answers may be short and simple.  I am not going to engage in a meaning conversation with you.  I am going to give you the answer that I feel best fits the question.  When I get the standard question … “How do I sign up for a game?” …. my boiler plate answer is “Depends on the game”  My system is not designed like others – one size fits all.  I don’t create a model and cram all the games into that model.  I adapt to each type of game to maximize their enjoyment and availability to the players.  This inherently creates some complexity.  Some games have limited seats while other games run short demos of a specific span of time.  Some games are tournaments while others are organized play.  Every game is different in their own way.  That is what i love about my system.

Some folks have a hard time rapping their head around that concept and I realize it can be overwhelming. It does not take a lot to grasp if you narrow it down to what you want to play.  I had one person come to me one time and say “I want to play a game.”  I said “OK, what type?”  They said “ummm well tabletop.”  Ummm well, that is all we do!  What she was referencing was board games and I got that out of her finally after 3 or 4 more questions.  Maybe you can see my frustration.  When people see a world with blinders on, they don’t know how to communicate to me who has tried to break down my blinders, and that can be frustrating.

Is it burn out?  At first, I thought maybe it was.  But this recent experience at That Con not only was somewhat satisfying because I felt some vindication (and more so afterwards), I also felt gaming was coming back and the energy was somewhat revitalizing.  But it is these moments when I get feedback, complaints and problems that break me down.  But it less about the failure and more so after my reaction; my lack of patience for perceived “stupid questions” when they aren’t really; my impatience to newcomers; my want to simple give a simple answer when the person needs more than that.  I am wearing myself out.  Call it social anxiety, call it grumpiness, call it whatever.  I am allowing it to wear me down and affect my reaction to other people, when they don’t deserve that kind of reaction.

It is definitely something I need to work on.  I am sincerely sorry to these people I was rude to.  I have no idea who they were and I am sorry it put them off from gaming at That Con.  Hopefully, you will give it another chance.  Maybe people that know me will reach them and explain me a little. Either way, I am sorry and I have no excuses for my behavior.

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